on the chang gang

urgh, i just realized how nasty the wine i am drinking is.

is that even a complete sentence? whatevs.

i got a raise on thursday, which is completely un- or very much deserved, depending on the day you ask.  at this very moment in time, the raise was very much deserved, if only to temporarily ease the pain of just getting a raise and realizing that you have no one to celebrate with. i should also add, that said raise wasn't so significant that i can now buy friends, but it's just enough so that cheap bottles of wine can now be bumped up to necessity.

then again, that's why the powers that be invented the 'wines under $10' display at whole foods, and youtube. right now, i have a tab open for each battles video: tonto and atlas, and in between gulps of cheap red wine i switch between them. it's like i'm seeing them live! and if everything works out, i will be equally as wasted but at the henry fonda october 30th.

in my opinion, the video for atlas is a much better video, it's a sharper looking video, the edits are synched perfectly to the song, and overall glass cube trumps rock quarry in just about everything. however, there is a minute thirty seconds in tonto that is just awesome! so i embeded the video, you're welcome.

this week's nymag came in the mail today, and on the cover is a feature about my favorite blog in the entire world, gawker. and even though i had already read it at work, reading it again on my third glass of wine provided a much deeper reading and understand, espiecially this chunk:

now substitute new york for EVERY CITY IN THE WORLD, and you'll start to realize: the world is full of rich douchebags that are ruining society, hordes of carrie sadshaws are co-opting art and making it almost impossible for independent artists to live.

oh, but it gets better, the writer of this cover story briefly mentioned that page six's (the gossip column of the new york post)  editor richard johnson had been 'emasculated' after it came out that one of his own editors had been taking bribes from rich business men in exchange for positive press. richard johnson's response?

One minor step for me, kinda. I think that I going to apply to grad school this upcoming Spring, and if I get accepted I want to finish in one year.

I guess that will be my upcoming New Year's Resolution, pretty lofty goal which means I have given up on this year's resolution and have already set myself up for disappointment for next year.  Already planning ahead, how grown up of me.

I've heard from many people that the program to which I'm applying to is known as the "Mickey Mouse Degree" in Britain. Well what do those fucking Brits know about anything, have fun with your bad teeth and your public health insurance. Suckers.

Speaking of grad school, that also means I get back on my dad's health insurance! Woohoo! No more vitamins or looking out for myself. Hello getting into fights and endangering my health!

If anyone has written a Statement of Purpose, please help. Even though I have been out of school for only a year, my brain has slowly atrophied and the only purposeful statement I can conjure up is basically begging the school to take me in: I can read! And write! PLEEEASE?

If this is not one of the most amazing things you have read this year, then you  just aren't reading the right things:

"As members of the groups played games of dodgeball and capture-the-flag in the Quad as part of the annual "BMF-ABHW Challenge," Cabot House residents fired off a string of impassioned e-mails questioning students' presence on the public lawn—and whether they were students at all. Eventually, the Harvard University Police Department was called about the commotion, and officers asked the students to "keep the noise down," according to police spokesman Steven G. Catalano."

Basically, for all your TL;DR people, a bunch of black Harvard students were playing ball outside a dormitory, causing a ruckus. The white students inside freaking out over all the coloreds outside -called the police. Amazing. Even more amazing is, they wondered if they were even students!

We've come so far America! We're so close...

What's even more amazing is this person's comment about it on Gawker:

The Real JR says:

Here in NYC, we have occurances (sic) when a bunch of white people gather to inexplicably hit each other with pillows, play capture the flag all around the city or dress up as Santas and go bar hopping en masse or just in costumes and riding in shopping carts around the city.

This is all acceptable because it's "artsy", "throwback" and "flip". And because they're white.

But if were black people, it would spread a fear greater than John Brown on Harper's Ferry...

I don't know where I'm going with this but I do say there is a double standard when white folks misbehave its a cute sort of bothersome. When the color is different, it's fucking LA all over again.

Whatever, one more douche dresses up as a knight and performance arts himself in my way in Union Sqaure, I kicking bitches in the pocket full of posies.

Umm, WORD.

Anyways, could I stop befriending the shittiest people alive? Jesus, it's like I'm honey to all these crappy ass bees. Since when did I become this magnet, and why did it take me so long to figure out how to spell 'magnet', to all these awful people? It must be graduating college gives you this air of desperation, but since when did people just get so horrendous. Makes me want to watch music videos on YouTube, well more than I do already.

I'd rather make shitty small talk about my weekend with my co-workers then try and deal with this nonsense. URGH. 

I just realized the irony of listening to Rage Against the Machine, especially given what my current situation is like, that it's the antithesis of raging. Well, I'm raging against having fun and enjoying my twenties. Instead, I just accepted another mindless temp job, this time it's not considered "temp" rather the peeps at Warner Brothers refer to me as "freelance."  I think it was Shakespeare who said something to the effect of a rose by any other name smells just as sweet? Or whatever. Fuck that guy.

Today was my first day, and like most first days I got very awkward introductions to all the people I would be working with, and made  even more awkward small talk with some lady when she was making coffee. I should have just left, but what's the point of leaving then turning around and coming right back, I needed coffee and weather talk is vastly underrated, in my humble opinion.

My first day can be summed up in one word: pariah. For one thing, I didn't estimate my commute time properly so I arrived an hour early, so the security guy had to keep an eye on me while I sat in the lobby and read, the IT guys didn't get the memo about my desk or computer, essential when you're working in NEW MEDIA, so I spent the first day in my boss' cubicle with her using her old PC. My boss is everything that you could ask for: sweet, patient, considerate. At the same time, no one wants to share a small cubicle with their underling, especially if you're swamped with work, and your assistant is idly SITTING RIGHT NEXT TO YOU. So my entire day consisted of doing simple tasks like copywriting, then sitting and waiting for her to give me another assignment while she talked angrily into her phone saying things like "That's bullshit!" and "There is NO time!"

That and she was gone for an hour and a half at a doctor's appointment, so I walked around the office and asked people if they needed my help. They didn't. Oh and note to self, from now on never wear heels, people could hear me coming from a mile away with those damn wood floors. I did a lot of reading, mostly New York Times and New York Magazine online mostly cus I'm paranoid that everything I am doing is being tracked and will be used against me. I am convinced that the reason I wasn't hired at my last temp thing was because they went over my internet usage and saw I spent the majority of the day on gossip blogs. Damn you Britney Spears and your mini-meltdowns, your downfall was mine as well!

I did come across this gem of an article, about Wesley Autrey the Subway Superhero that I wrote about in my last entry, how is it that Paris Hilton who is unspectacular in every single sense of the word is flooded with money, and this guy is struggling to make ends meet? I don't even want to start with the article and how mind numbing it is, in a good and bad way. But you should check it out, if only to see him wearing a fur coat with matching hat.

And read this article about Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton to get a sense of just how much money it takes to run for President, it too is mind numbing. In fact, just read the Features page for all your mind numbing needs, just stay away from the two features on Hedge Funds, for one thing no one reading this can afford one, and secondly to read about the Trophy wives of these guys will pretty much want to make you kill yourself.

In case you haven't realized, I like to read. And I had been meaning to post a link to this article for awhile, but never got around to it. It's a Vanity Fair piece about the mercenary forces in Iraq, which currently the second largest force there right now (Behind the US, and ahead of Britain. Thanks Britain!) It's in the issues with the Sopranos on the cover, in between an article about really rich white people renovating a house in some really rich white area, followed by an article about really rich white Londoners irritating really rich white New Yorkers. The diversity! Maybe it's just my ignorance to the military in general, but I had no clue that mercenaries still existed, especially to such a large extent. I mean I knew they existed at some point in time, but to have a private army fight a war? I mean it makes sense, kinda but if you're outsourcing a war shouldn't that tell you something? Oh,  that the fact that six generals called for Rumsfeld's resignation last Spring.

Oh and check out Leonardo DiCaprio on the cover of their current issue with that German polar bear, for their "Green Issue," now I'm all for conservation and recycling but Hollywood is THE epitome of excess and waste. Just cus you drive a Prius doesn't cancel out the fact that you take private jets everywhere, and live in mansions with 15 bedrooms, you jackass. Anyways, since you're already reading, read this piece about America and our relationship with sin.

To end, I am happy that I finally have a job, cus that means I finally have more money to spend on office clothes that I only wear  during my sporadic months of employment, every three months or so. Sadly, I have banned myself from my local Anthropologie after my share of run ins with some people I went to school with. The one Mormon sales girl who just had a baby I can handle, it's this redhead who knows me by name and who, while I was returning a pair of jeans, managed to figure out exactly who I was. Class of 2002, friend with ___. Urgh, I wish she would get transferred so I don't have to see her stupid redhead face everytime I enter the store and make a beeline for the sales rack.

My morning err - early afternoon routine consists of Craig's List, reading gossip blogs, and checking emails. Not a lot goes on when you're living at home on a self induced, undeserved "Winter Break." Occasionally though, I'll stumble across some news that have nothing to do with nip slips, or exposed cesarean scars.

As if waking up at 1 pm and not leaving the house until 7 pm (mostly to get more beer and popsicles) isn't melancholic enough, I have to come across this AND this. The second story is just sheer luck, like anyone of us haven't been in the position where we've been in the right place at the right time and had the luck to be able to catch a dangling toddler hanging from a 4th floor fire escape. Whatevs.

But the first story and the accompanying David Letterman interview made me all choked up, like going upstairs to find my little sister chatting online, and giving her a huge for no reason- choked up. Just the fact that Autrey has this total gung ho, gotta do what you gotta do attitude, makes him, I dunno, restore my faith in humanity?

Subway Hero Wesley Autrey

Everyone should watch that video, and then shake their fist at the MTA for only giving this guy free rides for ONLY ONE YEAR. When was the last time an MTA employee jumped into the tracks, faced down a train, threw themselves ontop of a complete stranger and held on while trains whizzed over their heads? At least Hugh Hefner was generous enough to give this guy a lifetime subscription to Playboy among other things - I hope those "other things" involve full use of Holly, Bridget and Kendra. If not the former, than defintely the latters - what do those girls do anyways?

Albeit, this is very reminscent of that Sandra Bullock and Peter Gallagher rom-com "While You Were Sleeping." I just hope that the studio heads that reign, don't get any smart ideas and turn this whole ordeal into some heart wrenching film with Will Smith as Autrey and Adam Brody as the film student he saves. Oh and throw in Drew Barrymore as the cute MTA worker who is there cus she's cute, and it's her "first day on the job!" And just watch as romantic hijinks ensue.

The latest Rocky movie, which I saw no less than 2 days ago, was also about finding a purpose in life.  I feel like this sudden influx of human interest stories that have been an unavoidable part of my existence for the past 72 hours - is the world trying to tell me something?  I'm not too good at these things, and have never been able to take hints very well, is life telling me I should a) move to NYC and start rescuing strangers/  look out for dangling toddlers in fire escapes or b) step back into the ring (of life?)  after my life has become too much of a routine and has lost its urgent purpose?

That said, the guy who plays Rocky's son, Robert Jr., Milo Ventiusedtobeingilmoregirls is so f- in hot in that movie. There was almost no way that you would believe that Stallone is actually his father, and Talia Shire (Adrian) his mother. Shire being Jason Schwartzman's ma. I mean I guess it might be a little believable, if you squint real hard. But Milo looks like the product of a kitten and a puppy. He is just that cute.

Jen Marmor said that Milo, allegedly, called Alexis Bleidel a C U Next Tuesday. Which is, like offensive, degrading hot.

Grindhouse looks like the most intense, awesome movie ever!

So, life lessons learned this week?

There is a 18 inch to 24 inch space between the two rails of a train track, barely enough room for two grown men; and catching dangling babies the day after a man risks his own life for another, does not warrant a Letterman interview.

Last Friday was the last day of my internship, and that very night kicked off the return of How-long-can-you-go-without-showering-and/or-leaving-the- house-athon. Office jobs are pretty sweet because they pay real well and all you do is sit and stare at a computer, pretty much awesome in any book and it's highlighted, folded, noted upon in mine. I invited my ex- supervisor to Ben's Keg-a-Rama and an hour into his arrival, I think my supervisor grabbed my ass, well he grabbed my phone for no apparent reason - the phone being in my back pocket, the back pocket of my pants which cover my ass.

After finishing a Mickey Mouse mug full of red wine (Thanks Rachel and Caitlin!) I asked my ex- supervisor if a job at the company was in my near future (My dreams of a little bungalow in Santa Monica, along with a green Mini Cooper with a white roof depended on this) and he said it WOULD HAVE BEEN had I answered some questions correctly. Like getting a job is some kind of game show, had I known that it was going to be like some sort of Jeopardy, I would have brought my game face, and then some.

OMG WTF. Needless to say I was semi- buzzed enough that I -first of all- stared in utter disbelief at him, then grabbed his shoulders and loudly said " I NEED INSURANCE." It's true, my dad's insurance for me runs out in June, and therefore I need to get all the shots and shit in my body before then, including that HPV thingymajig. I don't really understand it, but I want it.

That following Tuesday, I went to Las Vegas with the family for a typical Vegas gluttony fest. I've always wondered why our family goes to Vegas at all, considering my parents don't gamble, aren't drinkers, don't really like shopping. But in exchange for a two hour time share recruitment meeting, my parents were able to get a suite at the Marriot Grand Resort and Spa. Go Asia!

Oh, and volcanos are also known as/ or are a type of vaporizers? It's only been like six months since I graduated and I'm already so out of the loop.

I've been thinking more and more of going back to school, the New School in NYC offers a masters program in Media Studies. What is that exactly?

Fuck if I know, but the fact that it has two of my favorite words ever, cannot be a bad thing. I just want a graduate degree, I just want to put off finding a real job for as long as possible, and living in NYC for a year or two also sounds pretty sweet to me.

This looks like the vagina bug in Starship Troopers.

The Iranian President wished everyone a Happy Christmas! Awww, is it wrong to think he's totally doable? I blame that saucy windbreaker he wears all the time, grrrrrr.

Old Post, but this just supports my thoughts on Second Life. It's so beyond me why anyone would create an avatar that is basically human, and do basic everyday things but in game form. Lame, and now that corporations are heading into this world. GO OUTSIDE.

This is my absolute favorite quote, ever:

Obviously it's all sort of in good fun," Mortimer says, struggling to be polite. "It's humorous. But unfortunately, I think it's a little sad. Those anomynous" - here she wincingly mispronounces the word - "posted comments are just not very nice sometimes. And to give someone free reign to be anomynous and say whatever they want and lie - that's hurtful.

Anomynous? Seriously? I guess that sort of grammar is adequite enough for a New York socialite.

I am so fucking excited for this show to come back. Love it! Love watching Bourdain eat crazy shit. That and Top Chef, the top three will be Ilan, Sam, and Elia - mark my words. But part of me thinks that Mike guy is going to coast by and somehow end up in the top three. Boo!

My parents are yelling at each other in Chinese, which is just beyond awkward for me, mostly cus I need to get my car keys and leave - but they're in the kitchen, where they're fighting.

One of them just went upstairs and the other stormed out.

BRB LOL!

I haven't updated in ages, not much has happened. Last night was my office's holiday party, I really wanted to get trashed and get in a fight, but that didn't happen.

No one wanted the present I brought for Dirty Santa, though I did end up stealing a Volcano kit. Hells yea.

PS. The CEO of the company walked behind me when I was talking to someone and full on held my shoulders and squeezed them. I suppose that's the cost of being an intern, though I would have preferred an ass grab.

This has been the best week ever, and it's only Wednesday!

Here's a recap:

Britney and K-Fed divorce, 11/7/06. Never Forget.

Democrats win control of Congress!

Donald Rumsfeld resigns.

The Mac kid from the Apple ads, gets canned. (About time too, it's bad when you want a PC after watching a Mac ad. Go Hodgman!)

What didn't make this the best week ever?

On Monday, I got Elevator eyed by Ultimate. But no, it isn't what you think. You see, he Elevator eyed my outfit, then he looked back up at me and said nothing. Nothing.

I've done that plenty, but did I ever look the person in the eye afterwords and say nothing? NO.

Oh, and let's see... tonight I got off work at 7 PM!!! I was so cranky and angry that I snapped at Ultimate (  a lot probably had to do with Monday's incident). He walked by my desk, asked if I was still here, I did some grumbling and finally let out an exasperated: Umm, yeaa. It only makes sense if you're from Southern California, it's that Valley Girl- bitch tone.

Let's start by saying I had to start/finish a project my partner didn't start/finish, my boss stopped by my desk to try and throw me off err, clarify some points of confusion -- this lasted about an hour, and I still had to finish writing a huge outline. I almost went postal.

I snapped at Ultimate! See what work has turned me into?

A monster. I'm a monster!

I hit a fucking Mini Cooper on the way to work today, this Director of Management on my floor is a asshole-jerk-face who is a shithead to me even though I go out of my way to be nice to him, my Mom is going throught god-knows-what and won't stop yelling at me like I'm 3 years old.

Fuck today.

ASDKAS:DKASDKLASKLDASLDKALSKDALSKDAKLSDALKSDASD

But I did meet Rider Strong yesterday at work, that was nice.

Today, at 826 LA  (where I am whenever I'm not busting my ass at the other internship), I saw Rider Strong. He was wearing a wizard's hat and cap - but with a regular long sleeve tee and jeans. He helped me put fake cobwebs all over the Writing Lab.

It was amazing. I also realized that I am getting older and older because I noticed none of the kids, who are about elementary school age, were reacting any differently - it was just another day of drop- in tutoring with their common folk tutors.

But it wasn't! Don't they understand? It's the trailer park trash best friend from Boy Meets World! Granted, it's not like Sponge Bob was tutoring, still it was a weird moment for me.

Moving on, I went to a CTO party last Saturday, a company party, it was cool. The CTO was dressed as a pirate, a PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN PIRATE cus his friend stole him a costume FROM THE SET. Everytime he moved it smelled like a new car. Amazing.

I also really want to have a lot of money to spend on nice booze when I grow up.

That's about it. 

Today was one of the big meetings, so big in fact my boss got Quizno's to cater lunch. BIG SPENDER. Well it just so happens that it was all meat, and all guys in attendance -- save for me, the lone girl -- so I was just grossed out by male eating habits. Why do guys eat like that? And all those noises they make, is that slurping noise really necessary?

Needless to say, I didn't partake in the sandwiches. This would be one of the many times that I have lost my appetite at work, most of the time it's due to nerves though. It's gotten to the point where my boss teases me about it, saying that I photosynthesize, I tried to counter his argument today by saying I binge eat when I get home - probably, not helping matters, but still. He asked on what, and I replied "Sunshine and air."

Oh, he keeps me young.

You know who doesn't keep me young, my partner. Today he asked me if I was busy, I replied no - thinking he needed help with his presentation, only to ask me to order lunch.

Yea, not going to do that. By the way, fuck you I'm not your assistant.

Had it been one of my two supervisors I would have kindly obliged, but this from the guy who's repeatedly asked me to take notes for him during meetings. I don't think I can emphasize any two words more: Douche. Bag.

I have another crush on a guy at work, I think I just fall in love with any guy who's nice to me. This is bad, especially considering I am working in a business casual white collar environment where everyone is nice to one another. But he's so cute! Plus, towards the end of the day he gets major bags under his eyes and I feel bad for him. It's endearing is what it is. I also develop crushes on men I pity.

It's the beginning of a beautiful relationship.

I'll tell you what's not a beautiful relationship, Warner Bros. and African child amputees: